Well, dear reader, I feel that you are overcome with doubts about the right choice in your life, since you are reading this article from the category of family psychology. Of course, a person can have a lot of doubts when the question arises about the system of his values, as well as about the appeal to his true, human qualities, without which you can not create a normal family. Perhaps I will not communicate with you in this article, in the first person with an individual appeal to you, just as I started it, it might be worth doing, but still I will write it in my usual style, somewhat generalizing us all. Somehow it is easier to perceive information that does not relate to you, it seems to be about other people who are always doing something wrong, doubting, making mistakes, being afraid, in general, they do not behave as according to our understanding they should behave. And yet, I will appeal to you, both to everyone together and to everyone individually, just do not project all the attention specifically on yourself, otherwise it will prevent you from accepting some of my theses, and therefore the article as a whole will be useless for you.
When it comes to family, this issue is particularly acute, because family is a responsibility, and many people are afraid of this word alone like fire. I don't really like to talk a lot about myself, it is very important to maintain the distance necessary for your correct perception of my articles, but in this case it is worth giving an example from my own life, so that my article is not empty for you. I have a wonderful family, just wonderful, although there have been and sometimes there are still quarrels, still my family hearth is quite strong, and therefore I will tell you about the family not only from the position of a psychologist, but also from the position of a family man. There are quite a lot of opinions about the family as a part of the social structure, although what part is there, it is the basis of our society. For some, this is sacred, and someone considers it an unnecessary form of human existence. For example, Osho called the family one of the forms of prostitution, or rather he called it marriage, but in fact the family itself, because one leads to another.
Of course, it is possible to understand the philosopher I respect, whose books I once read with pleasure, in a slightly different way, saying that he meant a life without obligations, without prohibitions and restrictions that take place in marriage. Actually, he emphasized this in the books, but let's think about the root of this statement, that marriage, and with it the family, have the wrong structure in our society, isn't there a call for an irresponsible life behind this? If you are wondering about the feasibility of creating a family, for you personally, I am only interested in one thing – in what environment you grew up. We will not list with you the numerous experiments of psychologists, we will not go through various aspects of family life, without which a person is not able to be full-fledged mentally, you will read all this without me in other articles, books, watch films about the family. I suggest that you look at this question from a fundamental point of view, fundamental to human happiness. Does family give a person happiness?
Probably you are more interested in this question, because you can take the cross on your shoulders only if there is a special meaning in this, then the burden will not be heavy. The question of happiness, unfortunately, is not unambiguous in its assessment, because if you associate it with an external form of existence, you will never come to harmony, because everything in the external world is too individual, and is built on human egoism, so where is the good for one, pain and suffering for another. But still, some things can be done by reasoning about the right choice. Namely, you can simply weigh life without a family and life with a family. Imagine this and that life, and think about which of them is more interesting and pleasant. When doubts arise in my head about something, such a way of comparing one with another, as a rule, helps me to make the right choice as much as possible. However, it is necessary to have a good imagination for this. The saying goes about choosing between two evils, when of course it is reasonable to choose the lesser, but I would not so concretize the form of this choice, because this already identifies it as such. There are no evils, there are two options, one of which will give you much more benefits than the other, and you just need to clearly understand what kind of life awaits you if you start a family or do not do it.
There is another option for your choice, characteristic of the nature of a person who loves to chase two birds with one stone – this is to start a family, but also to continue to live an irresponsible, non-binding life. According to my personal observations, many people use this choice, but it does not lead them to anything good, because both directions suffer, they receive less, so to speak, and in the end it turns out that the family is the devil knows what, and a person's personal life is like the life of garbage. And this is not my point of view, this is the state of the inner world of those people who make such a choice, not daring to be either an irresponsible loner or a normal family man. What to do you ask, you have already read so much, and I still don't tell you how to do it better, your doubts do not leave you as you read these lines. But I will not tell you anything, it contradicts my policy not only from a professional point of view, but also as a person, and especially as a person who teaches you awareness. Do you know why I shouldn't do this? The fact is that you yourself must understand what is best and right for you, my task is only one thing – to make you think, and if possible, realize your desire.
You don't know what you want, that's the whole problem, you want what a box with an antenna, glamorous magazines, various articles, opinions of other people and in general any information from the outside will impose on you. The collective system of values puts pressure on you, and now it is all reworked beyond recognition, who just does not undertake to teach you how to live better and more correctly, and what about you, do you not have your own understanding on this score? Of course, you have it, but it is buried so far under all the above-mentioned garbage that you do not even try to find your own point of view, which cannot be your own until you analyze yourself completely and come to the conclusion that what is best for you. Understand, there is no other model like you, all destinies are different, therefore, there can be no right choice for everyone, it is always individual. In general, your choice can only be similar to the choice of the majority, you do not need to fall into a senile extreme and abstract from the so-called herd instincts.
This behavior is characteristic of people who simply do not think, the concept of thinking is alien to them, they do not choose in the full sense of the word, they choose from what has already been offered to them. You are an intelligent person by nature and your awareness can be fully used by you, so I will not kill it in you, enough tips and recommendations, finally start thinking with your own head. And so, what do you have, on one side you have a family life with all the consequences that follow from this, and on the other a life without a family, a life that is, as many people like to say, more free. What does outweigh you on these scales? Just do not rush to answer this question, I beg you not to do this. Do not react to it, think about it, think about it carefully. Let me give you some mental food for your thoughts, in the form of some statements about life on both sides of this choice. You will deprive yourself of pleasures, do you think if you become a family man, you will give up a lot, will you lose a lot?
And I'm not just talking about a family, but about a normal, full-fledged family, even without a child, perhaps, at least for the first time, but with all the obligations on your part with full responsibility? I know that many of you will answer-yes, we will lose a lot and we will not be able to do much in this case, we will limit ourselves in our desires. And are these desires really yours? That's what you really need to understand, because from the imposed desires, a person then experiences a strong feeling of dissatisfaction, when the true value system begins to slowly emerge, a person begins to feel dissatisfaction with himself and his life. However, I do not undertake to assert that in our centuries-old social understanding, at least some good is original, a certain background from the outside acts on any choice. A person can be taught to live by absolutely unacceptable rules for him, according to such rules that absolutely do not meet his interests and contradict his nature. The example of the same sects is a vivid confirmation of this. However, if no one and nothing distorts people's perception of reality, then they strive to create family relationships, they have children, raise them, and enjoy it. The family does not limit a person, as some people believe, on the contrary, it complements his life.